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"..I have this secret fantasy that she'll take advantage of me!"

Dear Mistress, I was on assignment last week with a junior colleague (she’s 25, I’m 29).

Every time we go away she demands we get drunk together, and I've only ever gone along with it because I have this secret fantasy that she'll take advantage of me once we're wasted.

Anyway, we were out together the other night after work, and I can't exactly remember how, but we ended up in bed, naked, going for it as best we could in our respective scotch-induced stupors.

This continued well into the morning until our shy, painfully awkward farewell.

I'm not sure when our next professional pairing will be or what could happen.

I'm married, but my husband has no problem in theory with me sleeping with chicks (this is one sided, I don't want him sleeping with other women, and he's not into dudes).

In fact, he loves the whole idea.

She's single but infatuated with her flatmate.

Right now I can't eat, sleep or think about anything else! All I want is to see her again, or at least talk about it (or drag her into the nearest bar/toilet cubicle/alleyway and have her up against the wall then and there) She's not much of a talker, and we work in different places, so getting her alone again isn't guaranteed.

I know there's no future in this infatuation and I feel it’s unfair to her and my husband to pursue it. Still, I’m sitting in my office thinking how soft her skin felt and how I wanted to scream every time she kissed my neck.

Here's my question: how do I live through however long it takes to get her out of my head? - A. Lady

Dear Lady,

I would like to take a moment to applaud all the fine people of the BDSM world who take unbridled joy and pure satisfaction in nothing else than torturing and teasing themselves! They don’t whine and moan about the fact that they repeatedly find themselves pinned beneath a louboutin heel, hog tied and degraded with metal clamps in places, most would wince at the thought of! NO! Instead they say, “thank you mistress/master, may I have another please mam/sir?” They show off the hand prints and welts on their asses with pride. They have parties in dungeons and on boats about it.

The rest of the world walk into their various torture chambers wide awake and aware of the consequences, only to emerge guilt ridden and perplexed at their pathetic situations. Utterings of "Lord, Why Me?!" can be heard for miles and miles but not 1 sympathetic ear to be found! Makes you wonder who the real masochists are? It's like devouring an entire dessert menu then wailing about how someone could sail across the ocean on your fat ass. What's the friking point?

You are doing the same, except you're adding an extra helping of self pity & guilt. Your lady friend is a consenting adult, YOU are a consenting adult and your husband is bragging about it to his work friends over the coffee machine as I type this very line - so why are you asking me how to stop thinking about her? you're really asking, "can I do it again please mistress? May I? Pretty pretty please?!"

However, before you go a-hopping & a-skipping and a-jumping back on into the hotel bed with her... I'd have an honest conversation with your husband, and yourself, about the risks involved. You say he has no problem with it "in theory"

How about seeing how he feels about it in real life? You may be pleasantly surprised

As far as the side chick goes, as long as you're honest with her, she's responsible for her own decisions and the consequences

The real issue is your marriage If it turns out to be too much for you both to handle, you will have to live with it

You'll just be living with it with your hand down your pants.

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